And here are some more reasons.
Because agnostics, at least around here, don't have a huge community that takes care of you like the church. It is just true. It does take a village, it does, it does, it does. Oh how I miss weekly and monthly get-togethers where the kids had friends, I had friends, and we all did something fun with this huge tribe of people.
Because you can no longer answer every question with, "Because that's what God has commanded/wants us to do"/some version of this. As an agnostic, you are likely a very moral person who cares deeply about doing the right thing. You probably believe your children deserve respect and that they are unique beings with a right to learn and a right to choose their destiny. So you have to think - hard - when you give answers to questions. You want to be careful about not saying too much--actually, you probably want to respond to your child's questions with some very good questions for them to think about and answer. Or simply, "What do you think?" And then listen. Listen a LOT. Listening is hard and oftentimes it takes so much patience and control. It is way easier to just answer and always be the expert.
Another thing, I still believe that responsibility, hard work, kindness and compassion can be developed - in children and adults. But as someone who was well-trained in Christianity and Christianity's reasons for these traits, it takes a lot of reflection to discover what these ideals really mean and how they are really mastered without fear of punishment or hope of reward. I'll probably be working on just this my whole life.
Because you no longer feel good about controlling their behavior "for their good" or "because God would want me to". Instead, you try to find meaning in how they behave, and try to discover what few behaviors are actually bad (ie dangerous ones) and how many are actually just information that something isn't right (they are hungry, they are tired, they are children and are still learning how to be polite/kind/socially adept/patient), etc. You realize how rarely people, and especially children, are actually "being bad". And you could be patient if you had to put up with some less than ideal behavior from two or three kids, but five kids? You probably need to be superhuman.
Because you no longer feel like you absolutely positively must do everything perfect and if you do, they will turn out perfectly, serve missions, marry in the temple, and go to heaven. And losing that "guarantee" of sorts is a loss. It was really motivating as a parent to think I had so much control over who my kids became. They were going to be my reward, in a sense, a reflection of how great of a mom I was. Sure, I still feel like I can hopefully be a positive influence, a trustworthy guide. But there are no guarantees and I realize parenting them this way that I am releasing them from an obligation to turn out like me or like my vision for them. And this leads to all sorts of other things ... like realizing I better make something of myself because they get to be who they are for them (not for me). And to become something myself I need some time to develop me ... which is a challenge with five kids. (Not impossible, I hope?)
Because, patience. To raise kids without rewards and punishments, heaven and hell, prophets, Gods and devils, it takes patience. To be willing to try again, every day, when no one is going to tell you you are a good parent (in fact, they may be telling you the opposite directly or indirectly). To be willing to admit that you make just as many mistakes on the path as your kids. To be willing to listen to them, to wait for them to figure things out themselves - even through making mistakes they could have avoided with your intervention - to foster the confidence that can only come through choosing for themselves. To push yourself to lay off all the advice-giving and start saying more and more often, at teenage-hood if not before, "You got this. I believe in you. You will figure it out. Tell me what your plan is, and how I can help".
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